I am Joe Blog’s Left Ventricle

I’ve been away from work for years. I barely remember what anyone looks like there. I’ve levelled up to 38 as a Dread Knight in Vanguard and 36 as a blacksmith. I’ve written seven character profiles and 119 years of timeline (back story only) for a fantasy novel I’m never going to write. I’ve watched two seasons of Top Gear (I’ve never been deliciously BORED enough to bother with this programme before) and will probably watch a third before… I go back to work on Tueday, after just two weeks off.

Ah, the Narnia Effect.  I’ve only been gone two weeks and it feels like years. I’m so bored I’m slipping into impossible nerd projects, and I’m so relaxed I can barely be bothered moving. Of course, I’m nocturnal. I keep trying to force myself to stay awake all day and then sleep all night and every time I end up collapsing in a heap at some point while the sun is shining and then waking up feeling wonderfully refreshed as the light fades to dusk.

So in all this navel-contemplating, have I come up with any great insights into the human condition? Fuck no. I’m on holidays. The closest I can come up with is “I like porn.”

I do know how I feel. And I feel about as happy these days as I ever have. Still, as always, being me, there’s the vaguest sense of melancholy, of some youthful passion lost - some great quest abandoned perhaps? Can’t quite capture the feeling in words. But it’s a false feeling. I’m as ‘on the path’ now as I’ve ever been, and life is as beautiful as ever. Yes there’s a distinct lack of drama… but I like that. I like it a lot.

And I only need glance north to the great city, or hell, open my fucking soundproofed window to know that all the drama I could ever need or want is on the other side of a few millimetres of glass, air, and plastic.

God I’m bored. I’m ready to back on Tuesday and kick ass.

I will lose 14kg and stay a healthy weight.

I will stop doing everything that drags me down, bores me, or drains me. I will leave all of these things behind and find a way forward without them.

I will stop trying to solve the world’s problems on my own - and learn to lead others to do it instead.

I will be more myself than ever. I will love without limit, live without rules, and follow my own path.

I will throw off my cloak, and cast aside my gloves. No more hiding.

It’s time.